But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
