people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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