i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
