I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
