I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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