Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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