Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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