YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
