I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
