Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
