My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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