you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
