I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
