he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
