i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
