so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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