you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
