Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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