Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
