I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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