she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
