it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
