Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
