Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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