not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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