names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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