As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
