What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
