yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
