Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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