What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
