I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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