I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
