just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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