hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
