I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
