I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
