She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
