My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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