I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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