HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
