my vag is so smooth its legendary
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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