Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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