he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
