his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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