I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
