I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
