2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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