I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
