There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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