So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
