It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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